so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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