my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
