I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
