I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
