I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
