I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He shit in the fireplace
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
