I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
