yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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