Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
