I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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