I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
