chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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