Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
there was a trapeze. enough said
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Im part way to drunk.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My Sexting was not on an AP level
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
