i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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