would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
