Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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