just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
