Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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