false alarm. still invincible.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
