its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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