Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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