Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
