please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
