It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
