He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
