i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
