You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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