just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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