it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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