I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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