is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
