I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
