Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
