I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
