we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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