Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
