I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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