For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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