Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
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I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.