I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.