Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
