Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This is the high leading the old right now
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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