My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
