hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
