the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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