I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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