pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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