I hate your face
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.