I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.