My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation