Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.