You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
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I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
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After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.