I just made out with a guy for $7.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.