Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
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Wipe that smile off your face.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
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I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.