I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?