it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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