We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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