I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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