she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
