VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
