he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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