every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
