I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
