please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is Oprah even human
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
