I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
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My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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