I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
