He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
