Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
