im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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