i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
