I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
