I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
