he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
