very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
