I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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