Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
