well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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