Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
