Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
love makes seman taste better
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
