He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i came on her dog
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
