i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
