Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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