Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize